One [ or Two ] Liners...
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!" I've sent her my ironing.
The wife's been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday.
So I've got her a pair of football boots!
Growing up with a dyslexic father had its advantages.
Whenever he caught me swearing, he used to wash my mouth out with soup!
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!
My wife apologised for the first time ever today.
She said she's sorry she ever married me!
Does anyone know how long you cook these "boil in the bag fish" that you win at the fun fair?
My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason!
Scientists have discovered a certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent.
It's called wedding cake!
Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup!